The Accidental Chocolate Chip Cookie and the Art of Self Destruction

I wish I had hives.  Or rashes.  Anaphylactic shock? Nope.  None of them.  Well, that’s not true.  One night maybe 12 years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night looking a lot like Quasimodo with a rash.  My face had swollen and I was tearing my skin apart trying to get to an itch.  A trip to an allergist yielded nothing but an expensive EpiPen that I never used because it never happened again.  Of course, there was the time I suddenly became allergic to penicillin and discovered I was allergic to sulpha – rash and hives respectively, so I do know what I’m saying when I say I wish I had hives, rashes, or even an occasional bout of anaphylactic shock (with an EpiPen within reach, preferably). The fact is, I don’t have food allergies.  But I have extreme food sensitivities.  Peanuts, onions, chocolate, wheat, sugar, and more. I think I talked about that already once, but I have to start facing a very big problem I have. I can’t leave food that I’m sensitive to alone.

Last night was the first night away from home for a week while I take care of a friend’s horses, doggy, and kitty while he visits his mom out of state.  I do this on a regular basis, but this time is different. I’m missing home more, missing my special guy who is going to be moving in with me in just a week and a half, missing my furry buddies purring on me, even my nice comfy bed.  It’s okay, I love helping my friend out.  His mom is old and frail and has suffered a couple strokes.  He needs the time with her. The problem comes in when I start to feel that pressure, that stress – is it an I’m-not-doing-what-I-would-prefer-to-be-doing stress? I get it at work too, not surprisingly.

How I react to that stress is self-destructive. I will figure it’s okay to grab that chocolate chip cookie.  Just one.  I don’t have to eat the whole pack. It’s from a bakery, so it’s not so full of chemicals… I can rationalize with the best of them. Last night, first night away from home, knowing I have a week away, a package of three luscious chocolate chip cookies – I’ll only have one, yeah right – and within an hour, palpitations, heart racing, blood sugar dropping – sugar and caffeine.  Should be a good enough reaction to stop me from taking that chocolate chip cookie plunge? No.  It’s not hives or a rash.  I’m just sensitive, not allergic. But one day, I will be the first person to die from eating chocolate chip cookies.  Unless they make an EpiPen for palpitations and increased heart rate.  Then I’m golden.

Disgusted and Annoyed

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