The Difficulty of Happiness

I haven’t been writing like I should be. I haven’t been researching, reading through articles, and sharing the bits that I’ve learned like I should be. I really do have a mission with this blog, and I’m not abandoning it. The fact is, I’m sicker than I’ve ever been. I’m in more pain than ever. I’ve gained 20 pounds (that I really didn’t need) over the last year. Everything I eat fights back at me in some way – food friends turn into food enemies eventually. There is little, if anything, at this point that is relieving pain, even rest. I hurt walking, sitting, laying down; standing in one place is near on impossible. The fatigue is overwhelming.

But I’m happy. For the first time in my life my personal and professional lives have come together – both are making me happy. However, with happiness comes non-productivity. At work, it’s all good. I’m paid to sit there and work, and I enjoy my job. But my projects, the projects that I’ve always had to keep my head out of my joints and muscles, my projects are languishing. They are a key element to my mental health, and I have to get back on them. This blog isn’t the only project – I’ve been nibbling at a very intriguing mystery too, and those characters are waiting, none too patiently, in the back of my mind.

One of the ways that I’ve cured writer’s block in the past has been journaling. Unfortunately, my fingers are too stiff to be able to write in a way that I’ll ever be able to know what I’ve written. And writing hurts, plain and simple. Holding a pen hurts, and at best I can just make notes and lists. Traditional journaling is out.

Another way of curing writer’s block is exercise. Those endorphins and the oxygen flow gets your brain clicking. Unfortunately, I’ve been using my lunch hours to try, unsuccessfully to write, going home after work and laying down is much more feasible than moving, and exercise has been lagging.

I’m going to try a combination of getting both my body and my brain moving. I’ve bought a FitBit (or as a friend and I call it, a Not-A-Bit-Fit), and I’m going to use the Captain’s Log to journal. I have a goal. First of all, I need to track how much I’m moving and try to stay within my goals. Second,  I need to track what I’m eating, how much, and when. I’ve noticed with this weight gain that habits have changed, and I’m struggling with my relationship with food (which has never been good). The third goal is to get some discipline back in my writing.

I’m not going to post the journal entries, but if you’re interested in following you can look at the Captain’s Log page on this blog. Starting tonight. I know that sounds like procrastination, but I have to go to work! Yep, life gets in the way, and happiness, lovely happiness, comes with a price.

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